In all honesty, the reason for my not posting for a while is because of frustration and not wanting to be judged. My frustration lies with people that don't understand the invisible illness that is fibromyalgia. It is like so many other illnesses, it has no face, except to those who suffer with it, and believe me (and other "fibromyalgics") we do suffer. Daily.
A few months ago, my doctor suggested I take a leave from work due to my illness, I was suffering immensely and was very depressed. I agreed reluctantly to take a short leave of two weeks rather than the longer extended leave she was suggesting for a few reasons:
- was to not disrupt the office I work in
- financial reasons
- I hoped it would be enough time for my body to rest and recharge itself.
This one took me weeks to complete.
|In honor of my cat "Topsy" who passed away this year.|
My actions were seen as something totally different than they were. I was judged. It was very hurtful, especially since it came from someone I considered a friend. It made me realize how little people know about this syndrome, and how little this person obviously knows me. It has been a struggle for six years now, with so many different ailments and symptoms, wanting to know what is going on with my body and my mind, not finding the reason for my pain, until last fall.
I was finally given a diagnosis: Fibromyalgia Syndrome.
No one knows the exact cause of it, and it has no cure. It can be treated with medication, which helps some people, but not others. Every one's pain is different, similar in some ways, different in others. It affects many facets of one's life.
I knew then that my doctor was right. I needed to take a more extended leave and address this thing properly. I needed to try to get more restorative sleep, increase my medication, rest, relax, get some mild exercise and try to heal my body and my mind. The depression that comes with chronic pain is heavy and extremely draining.
The next morning I had a discussion with one of my employers, who was very understanding. Then, I saw my doctor who just kinda smirked when I told her she was right. She's a wonderful doctor, I appreciate her intelligence, understanding and care.
I have been off work since late March. I have brain-fog, memory loss, I constantly search for words, I cannot concentrate for very long, have to read and re-read the same thing to absorb it. I hurt all the time. I wake up hurting and go to bed hurting more. I am forever tired. Absolutely exhausted after doing household chores like folding laundry and doing dishes. I take naps daily and am still tired when I wake up. I am sad, I miss working, woodworking, gardening and taking long walks. I miss being strong. My irritable bowel is mad, not just irritable. My vision is blurry. I suffer with migraines...and the list goes on. Some days are better than others. I am thankful for the better ones, and looking forward to some good ones.
I am not complaining, I am trying to help people understand, in hopes that they will be more compassionate and less judgmental, and that comes with a better understanding of the syndrome and it's symptoms. I am sorry this for rambling on so long, but again, if it helps at least one "fibromyalgic" be better understood and not judged, it's worth both my time and yours!
Please read my previous post on Fibromyalgia for more information. Thank you.
My next post will be on Mexico!